The Curmudgeon
By Brad Zigler

Reading through the "fan" mail Mailboxes are stuffed this holiday season with greeting cards from friends and business associates. I get that and more. Along with the annual form letter telling me about Cousin Francine's insanely frenetic and accident-ridden year, there are the letters from readers of these esteemed pages. Letters from readers (and come to think of it, from Cousin Francine as well) usually take one of two forms: complaints or really strident complaints.

I've been penning this column and collecting mail since Fourth Quarter 2002. If I'm to start the new year off with a clean conscience, I've just got to work my way through the correspondence backlog and address some of the grumblings ...

Frank from Piscataway, New Jersey writes:

Dear Curmudgeon-

You must have been schooled at the knee of George Orwell. By what machination can Bernie Cornfeld be asserted to be the 20th century's greatest financial felon? Your Felons Index (Fourth Quarter 2002) article grossly distorts history. Mr. Cornfeld, now hardly a blip on our radar screens, is a piker compared to the Adelphia's John Rigas and WorldCom's Bernie Ebbers. Just look at the magnitude of the latter-day larcenies. Then there's Martha Stewart, who turned the nation's trust on its ear with her chicanery.

Dear Frank -

Sorry. Poor Mr. Orwell passed on to the great Benchmark in the Sky a few years before I made my appearance on this orb. Blame public schools for any of my academic shortcomings.

The machinations were simply stated in the article: a crook had to be convicted and had to have served a definitive sentence on that conviction to be in the felons' sweepstakes. Only then can their payback to society be accurately gauged. And remember, too, their pilfery was inflation-adjusted to present-day values.

As for John Rigas, he and his two sons were accused of concealing $2.3 billion in loans and stealing more than $100 million from Adelphia Communications. Convictions were returned against Rigas and his son Timothy in July 2004, subjecting them to terms of 20-30 years in prison. Sentencing for Rigas père doesn't come 'round 'til January 5, 2005 though, so save a bottle of bubbly.

Assuming the paterfamilias serves 20 years for his $100 million swindle, he'll earn 5.0 on the Felons Index scale, just ahead of former NYSE president Richard Whitney for his $1 million ripoff in 1938. Object lesson? Inflation does matter. Likewise, Bernie Ebbers hasn't been convicted. But Martha has. La doyenne domestique got herself five months in the pokey for saving herself a lowly $50,000 in market losses. That registers a measly 0.12 on the Felons Index meter. No threat to Leona Helmsley, that. Martha, as Leona would say, is one of the 'little people' when it comes to financial shenanigans.

From Doria in Thessaloniki , Greece comes this:

Dear Curmudgeon -

Your diatribe against the Athens Olympic Organizing Committee (Second Quarter 2004) and recommendation of a 'short' against the Greek infrastructure was insulting and, as it turned out, unfounded. The Athens Games, by any measure, were an unqualified success. Shame on you for ridiculing a proud people.

Dear Doria -

I think I've got avgolemeno on only half my face.

Reacting to repeated construction delays of Olympic venues, I advocated a custom index comprised of two short units of the Athens General Index and one unit of the S&P Global Healthcare Index thinking that Greeks and visitors would be subjected to serious financial and physical bruising, respectively, by uncompleted projects.

In a recent report the Greek government said the Athens Olympics cost 7.2 billion euros ($9.4 billion), 56% percent more than originally budgeted. Government borrowing is now expected to rise to a record 40 billion euros this year to help fund the expense, raising public debt to 112% of gross domestic product. That'll put Greece ahead of Italy as the EU's most indebted country.

I wrote the piece in late April-early May, 2004. By the time the books were closed on the Games at the end of August, the Athens General Index had sunk 8.1% (in euros). Is that the financial blackeye I forecast? Maybe yes, maybe no. You decide. Keep in mind that I recommended two units to be shorted for every unit of the S&P Global Healthcare Index bought..

I misread the healthcare benchmark, however. For the trimester, the S&P Global Healthcare Index slipped 2.2% (in dollars and, since the greenback held fairly steady, also in euros). Apparently, a last minute construction push ensured sprained ankles and heart attacks were held to a minimum, so there was no spike in emergency ward earnings. Still, net-net, holders of the Olympic SNAFU Index could have realized a 13.9% gain through the end of August.