Let's face it. I'm not the sharpest arrow in the quiver.

But I do know one thing. Markets move inversely to the amount of free investment advice put forth at any given time.

During up cycles, the noise dims somewhat. After all, high tides lift most boats. That can make the advice game rather redundant and dull.

But when markets tank, things get juicier. As Mitt Romney would say: Who let the dogs out?

With stocks sinking in early '08, I've found it almost impossible to avoid blazing headlines offering free words of financial wisdom. They're on my favorite Web sites and magazines. The articles make me feel like I'm an eighth-grader doing something terribly wrong.

Who are these people? And what makes them think they know anything about my personal financial situation?

It's amazing how many experts there are in the world these days. Atop their soapboxes, they'll rant and rave about the virtues of ignoring what's going on in the market right now. Don't try to engage in the illicit practice of market timing, they warn. But what if I'm going to retire in a month?

Others will tell you to find an active trading system. But what if I've got children fighting drugs or flunking out of school? What if I'm in my 20s and understand the necessity of socking away a steady stream of savings for the next 40 years?

Baseball And Investment Advice

There's nothing better to me than spending a sunny spring weekend day in the stands watching my favorite pro baseball team. Since I know all of the players like the back of my own hand (and the local announcers are total homers), I like to put on my headphones and listen to Bob Brinker on ABC Radio.

Don't tell anyone. Those around me think I'm a hardcore fan, listening to the game and tuning everything else out. But Mr. Brinker provides such a great wealth of entertainment. It's almost surreal to hear perfectly intelligent people from all over the country flood his phone lines, providing personal details about their wealth and finances.

Thankfully, nobody gives their full name in public. But it makes for wonderful theater. People pour out their investing hearts to somebody they've never met and don't know.

Don't get me wrong. I respect Brinker's opinions. I've even run into investors who've hired him in the past to manage their money. He certainly has their admiration. And his career history working as a high-finance executive on Wall Street gives him more than enough street credentials to hold court over the national airwaves.

But there's another weird thing going on here. It takes two to tango. So what about those on the other end, the listeners who actually are trying to apply such cookie-cutter advice?

Does anyone actually go out and try to formulate real changes to their portfolios based on such telepathic events? Now that's just something straight out of the twilight zone.

Just Like A Bad Rash

I once had an editor who was considered an expert on investing. He'd been at it for years and was quite prominent in the media. I asked him one day a question about index funds, and he replied that he really didn't know much about them. It was on his list, however, to explore. For a future column, perhaps, he explained—as if an excuse was needed to learn more about what he'd been writing about for so many years.

It's like a bad rash. The flood of generic, mind-numbing advice keeps rolling along. Yet as one of those fortunate enough to have the time and inclination to explore all things investing, I slog along. But over the years, I've found some ways to help survive the double whammy of a falling market and the accompanying barrage of advice.

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